Saturday, July 5, 2014

Gratitude in 100 days…can I do it? Yes I can!

Well, at least I hope I can!

I've been seeing a lot on social media about 100 days of happy (or happiness) and people are IG'ing images with the hashtag, talking about it on the US Today program or posting about it on Facebook.  I thought it was a pretty neat idea but it didn't really resonate with me, not sure why. I just remember thinking this seems like a cool idea, then promptly moved on to whatever it was I had been doing at the time.

I want to be happy, and I will be the first person to tell you I don't feel happy all the time. Wish I did, don't know why I don't. I've got everything in the world to be happy about. Its just that I seem to be a negative Nelly, just thinking about what could go wrong or is wrong…most of the time.

So, what comes before happiness or can help make you feel better, happier? Gratitude. To me, gratitude is at the heart of happiness. In order to be happy you must feel grateful or blessed or something, right? Right.  I think what I've been missing is gratitude, real honest to goodness gratitude.  The kind where you feel grateful and thank God (or, whoever for you) for it, looking upward and think how lucky you are and how wonderful this moment is.

But sometimes its hard to feel gratitude. So. Very. Hard. And then little by little its hard to be a completely positive person, hard to see the good side in so much stuff that should be easy to see the good in. And thats me. I can find myself being negative from the start, occasionally passing it off as being cautious, which it is. Or sometimes as just being grumpy. Which it can be. Or tired, which it lately often is. Or just not negative but not completely happy.  But its also just not feeling enough gratitude for all the good and wonderful things in my life, in me, in the world…in pretty much anything. There shouldn't be any need to feel this way, but I do sometimes, other times often and I want to change it.

I want to be a better person. A much better person.
SO, here I go.

Gratitude for 100 days and lets see if I can't completely turn myself around.  I'm going to thinking about something to be grateful for daily, I'm going to ponder it and be thankful. I'm going to feel and live the gratitude. Its going to be hard, it already is :)  And did I forget to mention, I'll be showing you my daily in photos. Now I'm already doing a personal photo a day and a July challenge but I'm hoping to tie the other two into this one….

Wish me luck and I'll let you know how I get on!

Thursday, June 5, 2014

After a hiatus, I'm back..

It was a big decision, close up shop and start again, or just keep right on going and tweak as I work out what I want to do?

I chose to tweak and see how things turn out. If they don't, then close this baby down I will. Who needs this floating if no one reads right? Right? I can hear a distinct echo out there, I'll pretend I don't for now.

Over 2 years has passed since I was last here with you. In that time I was preparing for a new baby and welcoming said baby and then getting my head around having said baby in the house.  Now? Now I'm working out how I fit into my new life as a stay at home mum and previous librarian. I have several hobbies, have taken up sewing now and am continuing to knit.  I always seem to be dabbling in other various craft activities but that'll  need to stop soon unless I can somehow make money. I only resigned a short time ago so I have time to work myself and my family out, however part of it is about working out who I now am, now that I'm not a librarian I mean.

After over 15 years in the industry, I called it quits to stay home with our baby.  Right when there seems to be a lot (and I mean a LOT) of discussion about good mums vs. other mums, can mums have it all, does working mean having it all, if you stay home with your baby are you giving up on having it all manner of things work and staying home and mum and parent related.  The decisions you make are hard enough without having all this blowing about in the background. Period.

I get quite angry and frustrated listening to all of this. There is discussion on some social site or morning news or other avenue talking about the pros and cons, always with people saying in the end 'why is it up for discussion?' and 'this doesn't happen to men'.  I just want to put my piece in (except feel that wading in is just adding fuel to any fire and quite frankly, my point of view kind of goes against doing what I'd like in this instance!) and say, stop talking about it then. Just stop. And then no one will have anything to discuss about it, no one will feel as pressured to put their view forward and get stamped on later for doing so. It won't be a newsworthy item. Just let people make their decisions based on what is best for them….who cares what the reasons are? They're usually private and up to each family. I know I have family who don't understand why I'm doing what I'm doing, especially as financially it may be difficult for a time. Our reasons are our own and our child is only young for a short time and like everything we've decided to do up till now, it may be a bit different to what you're doing, but it works for us.

As someone who is easily pressured, swayed by others minor opinions and quite frankly an anxiety ridden sheep I'd really prefer not to discuss it too much as I second guess our choices. And I shouldn't have to. I should be able to feel confident and comfortable and enjoy our decision. Mainly my fault I know, but my genuine wish is that people start to be a little more open to other people and the way they live. Maybe a pipe dream? Perhaps that is how other people deal with the different-ness of others, by discussing them and they way they live? In which case I take it all back and continue discussing…in the meantime, I'm working on confidence and accepting my own decisions a little more :)

So, hopefully you'll hang around while I/we find our way forward and as I find out my place in my family and in the world sans-library job.  More on that next time…

Its all gonna be ok!